do you still love me..?

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

do you still love me even though i am fragile? even though i am sinful? even though i am wicked, full of hatred, always have something to complain about? even though i lie for my own good? even though i cover up myself? even though i am proud?

do you still love me?

the many things that bother me

well. since i’m not into this blogging thingy.. why don’t i just list down all the things that actually bother me so much. Maybe i could straighten up my mind after writing this..

1. (inhale deeply) (exhale a long sigh) the unresolved problem from the past. Actually, it’s really just me & me & me & me & me.

2. about Rules & living according to Rules.

3. about problem of pain, deaths, losses, accidents..

4. about people accussing you not to be so “holy”.

5. about friends who suddenly do not want to hang out with you anymore.

6. about hanging out with c*u*c* Mate or friends from outsidethe circle. and why the first is more desirable. (and i think both r just fine)

7. about home church which is not so homey anymore.

8. about people laughing at your ideas — as if they are better than me.

9. about people not speaking up their ideas although they know the “correct” answer. while for me, i will just speak up whatever i have in mind, and yes, after that, no 8 happens. and more insults & looking down take place.

10. about cliques, which i do not have, and why they are desirable. i think the idea is cool, but for me it’s not necessary. *shrugs*

11. about going back to indo & spirituality. (as per discussed in GPBB pemuda mailing list) I agree to the first notion that i want to go back (if i really go back) because i love the country and not because it’s holy to do so. well. and some close buddy thinks that she/he is better than me coz she/he thinks of indo more than i do. (coz i have other “unimportant” thoughts such as this 11 items)

12. about bad people which do bad things to us, how would we respond to them? being good, of course, according to the Bible. however, how if the doing good is framed by status & perhaps, job scope..? how if, by being good, people take advantages of us? well, some “holy” people might just said that just be cerdik like ular & tulus seperti merpati. for me, it’s so hard to do so. & i guess i have been a stumbling stone for the past weeks..

13. the list is getting longer……. i should stop writing this.. it makes me more stressed & giving me too much thoughts for the day alrdy.. he he he..