i was wondering whether people still read this blog or not till ov gave comments in this blog.. 

<3 ya ov.. 

btw i’m writing in other blog now.. that’s why i was kind of left this blog empty and lonely these past months.. 

i’ts supposed to be a together kind of thing blog, however, u know who have more spare time than the other..

its at www.chubbychubbylife.wordpress.com 

see ya there..

I saw little children encouraging each other in the park.. 

I witnessed little boy hit the c*ck of a obviously bigger boy..

I wondered why people want to dress up (really dress up) when they only want to practice skateboard around the neighborhood..

semua semakin kabur dan tidak jelas… 

bisa gak sih, kita mengetahui semua jawaban dari misteri yg kita temui?

apakah kita harus menemukan jawabannya sendiri?

bisa gak sih, kita hidup benar tanpa mengetahui semua jawaban dari misteri yg kita temui?

haruskah kita mencari jawaban tersebut?

i’m experiencing a lot of pain these days.. 

starting from throat “infection” (meaning, you got this extreme, bloody – a bit- cough at nights, nose and ear blocked for few nights, a lot of liquid coming out from you in the morning – and you have to spend about 30 minutes coughing it out)

emotional pain.. loneliness, frequent loss of purpose of life, failureSSSSS, disappointmentSSSSS.

and now.. i’ve got back pain which since yesterday worsen to the point that it hurts after walking for too long.

i’m now having this plaster pasted messily behind my back. (since i put it myself – someone is defenitely having OT today.. hiks) 

it’s quite soothing now. however i feel painful in some other places on my back. O-o.

and surprisingly, i’m indifferent to all this pain. . . . .

what is wrong with me?

i just laugh it off by watching some TV shows which, apparently, i have watched TWICE OR MORE in the past 2 weeks.

or play some free games.

losing my senseSSSS,

reading: where is God when it hurts by philip yancey

“Do I want you because you’re wonderful,
or are you wonderful because I want you?”

Do I love You Because You’re Beautiful – Cinderella

the unexpected taste of the beef,

the way you wear your dress,

the weather today,

HOT!

maka mereka pergi ke tempat yang lebih jauh

melangkah ke tempat yang sebelumnya tersembunyi,

mewujudkan harapan dengan sebuah terang..

semakin dekat, semakin terlihat,

lihatlah dan ketahuilah, 

sadarilah dan semakin mendekatlah…. 

selamat datang di perjalanan..

she though she was strong enough to be strong, to walk down the path, she should -

though the two not alike, she was blessed with her smile.

as she watched the emotion on a static page, she smiled too.

what a wonderful day

: )

Suddenly remember this band when i was watching Friends, season 1, in The One With The Fake Monica. “You’re a Big Boy now” was played when everyone was sending Marcel, the monkey, off. The song is kind of Lovin’ Spoonful’s signature song, so it reminded me for them.

Who is Lovin’ Spoonful? Find out here.

anyway, i love some of their songs, but not all. below is one of my favourites. might be a bit boring as a song, but i like it.. Enjoy

You and me and rain on the roof 
Caught up in a summer shower 
Dryin’ while it soaks the flowers 
Maybe we’ll be caught for hours 
Waitin’ out the sun 

You and me were gabbin’ away 
Dreamy conversation sittin’ in the hay 
Honey, how long was I laughing in the rain with you 
‘Cause I didn’t feel a drop ’til the thunder brought us to 

You and me underneath the roof of tin 
Pretty comfy feelin’ how the rain ain’t leakin’ in 
We can sit and dry just as long as it can pour 
‘Cause the way it makes you look makes me hope it rains some more

I was looking at this news and it was scary… “Media bisa menginspirasi kejahatan” 

Intinya, artikel tersebut bilang gimana tayangan2 tv, bisa mempengaruhi perbuatan2/pikiran2 seseorang, khususnya dalam hal berbuat kejahatan. Jumlah kasus mutilasi di Indonesia pada tahun 2008 ada sebanyak 13 kasus, meningkat dari 6 kasus pada tahun 2007. DAN.. eng ing eng, ada yg mengaku dapat inspirasi dari seorang mutilator yang menjadi terkenal beberapa bulan lalu.

Yang bikin aku kesel sih, betapa banyaknya berita2 di Indonesia yang kurang mendidik juga. Coba saja hitung berapa jumlah tayangan TV yang menyajikan kekerasan yg dibungkus oleh embel2 berita. I would not name any shows. or any newspaper. 

Berita tentang kekerasan bagus jg sih, as in, bisa membuat kita semua sadar, wow, dunia ini sudah sekacau ini sekarang. Tapi, masalahnya, banyak berita2 tersebut itu meng-condemn dan membesar2kan masalah. Contoh : ada orang mencuri ayam. lalu dibahas2 sampai dia emang anakanya dari masa sekolah suka mencuri ayam dll. keluarganya memang miskin. bla bla bla. orgnya tidak berpendidikan.

apakah mungkin, di masa depan, jika ada berita2 semacam ini, pembahasan tentang masalahnya jangan terlalu panjang? bagaimana kalau disertai dengan ahli2 masyarakat yang ngasih ide2 mereka, on WHAT THE SOCIETY SHOULD DO.

what can we do to prevent such person of commiting “crime” in the future? what could we do to people who are “uneducated”, “uncivilised”, or “immoral/amoral”? can we prevent the “crime”? 

or… are we allowing those people, or even pushing those people to do the “crime”? do we, as society, ostracise them from the start, so that they are even more inclined to do those immoral acts? do we, as society, not giving them enough chance to grow spiritually, cognitively, or mentally?

so, when we are watching those “shows”, are we going to blame them for their action, or should we blame ourselves, that we have failed as society?

~

bwt gw pribadi.. beruntung jg agak2 ga suka nonton. n dari awal2 emang gw uda ada perasaan buruk sama show2 yg menunjukan kejahatan2 gitu. bukannya ga mau tahu berita ttg dunia, tapi i’m sick of the way they commercialised the whole story.

dan for those who are weak at heart & faith.. alias gampang jatuh, including me.. hehe.. pls don’t think you are mature enough for any show. if you think you are going to be “shaken” spiritually or mentally, pls don’t watch those show or read such news. just read the headings, oh.. there’s this person who did this.. and forget about it. don’t even imagine how exactly the person do the things..

menulis cepet2 karena mao belajar, 

ditz

walaupun agak2 ga ngerti perbincangan tentang kenapa yang satu harus lebih menang dari yang lain, mayan inspired jg pas ini org menang. 

maksud gw, dia bakalan jadi president pertama yg jg adalah orang “minoritas” (yg sebenernya mayan mayoritas di US), seseorang dari kelas yang mungkin dianggap sebelah mata oleh beberapa kubu2 di sini dan di sana. tapi melihat wibawanya.. wuih =) keren. kelihatan dia orator yg hebat (er.. mungkin banyak jg yg kaya gini, cuman kan gw ga kenal satu per satu)

jadi inget bung karno yang konon adalah orator yg hebat. pernah dengerin speech dia yg di lapangan banteng atau apa ya. dulu pas masih sd/smp (setelah jaman2 yg reformasi gitu), di radio atau tv, atau sekolah ya. lupa jg. tapi waktu itu bener2 terharu n jadi bernasionalis ria gitu deh. selama ini sih dari president2 indo, rasanya belum ada yg pidato, lalu bikin terharu. abis, banyakan ky keliatan kalo dibaca gitu sih. atau ga ada expresi semua. (ditangkep ga ya ngomong ky gini)

back to the topic. link to the news below

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/us_elections_2008/7709978.stm

Rasanya belakangan ini (tepatnya 2 hari ini) gw jadi shopping therapy gitu. DAN, akhirnya malah tambah stress karena ngabisin banyak uang… hidup ini memang sulit yah. =)

Begitulah kalau mencari pelampiasan dan jawaban dari “dunia”.  

Kesal.. kesal.. aku kesal.. sore ini gw kesel banger sama seseorang. dari gak mao cerita, sampe kasih preview panjang lebar ke melon lewat SMS. wah. hebat banget. jarang2 tuh gw bisa sms sepanjang itu. sampe pegel ngetiknya. intinya, ini ce bener2 species baru yg pernah gw temui. jadinya, emang agak2 canggung gitu deh. gak tahu gimana cara handle orang seperti ini. gak disangka setelah beberapa minggu ini, “meledak” jg. 

kok gw sering meledak2 sendiri yah? penting yah? can’t i just be ignorant? bisa bertemen dgn byk org? biar selalu ada temen di setiap kelas gw, bukan musuh? kenapa sih gw kaya begini emosinya, gampang terganggu?

terus. ada 1 hal buruk banget yg jadinya gw lakuin malam ini. unhealthy comparison. yes. ga tahu kesambet apa, gw spent time untuk hal2 ga guna (di saat2 crucial gw dimana time is project. haha), cuman untuk membuktikan kalo emang ada yg “salah” sama dia. n kynya emang begitu. 

tapi setelah itu jadi merasa bersalah banget. apakah gw sebegitu bencinya sama dia sampe gw berpikir dia seburuk itu?

n sort or rationalise everything for her. mungkin adeknya dia byk. jadi dia bertindak seperti big sister? (tapi gw ga mao tuh jadi adek elu ~ jawaban nyolot hehe) mungkin ppl look up into her in trouble? jadinya dia bingung kok gw anaknya cool2 aja walaupun midterm gw “jelek” menurut dia. mungkin temen2 dia rajin2 semua, makanya dia bingung kok gw belom ngerjain paper? eniweii.. tadi gw sort of boong ma dia karena sangking keselnya jg deng. mungkin jg gw bener2 keliatan sakit, padahal gw cuman ngantuk aja di kelas? mungkin dia belom apal muka ngantuk gw… (kynya gw ngantuk tiap minggu)

bukankah gw bersyukur gw ketemu sama dia di awal semester ini? apakah gw salah untuk bersyukur akan kehadiran dia?

agak masih sedikit ok lah, bisa kenal ma org ini. lucu. hehe. mungkin dari apa yg dia sudah lakukan thd gw yg lumayan traumatizing (seakan gw ngerasa ketolak banget – n benci banget diginiin ma org), gw harus mengambil langkah untuk selanjutnya dengan tepat. 

stop expecting anything from her? maybe. =)

Lagu ini adalah salah satu dari 2 lagu-lagu pertama Firehouse yang gw suka banget (satu yg lain adalah “I live my life for you”). Udah lama bange ga denger lagu ini, eh, terakhir kali denger malah di taxi dengan suasana hati yg ga enak. hiks. Daritadi aku coba cari videonya di youtube. Nemu jg sih yg aslinya, cuman kok aku lebih suka yg ini ya, lebih “hening” walaupun suaranya kerenan suara C.J. Snare donks. Tapi, hello to the man in the video.. i like the way u play your guitar, you only use TWO fingers!!!  =) (walaupun kok dimaeninnya agak2 ga berperasaan gitu sih?)

eniwei… ini termasuk salah satu lagu kesenangan (walaupun tidak begitu favorit) gw. kalimat2nya romantis gitu deh.. =) tapi ga sebegitu klisenya, karena lagu ini masih mengakui bahwa “the road is long“. gak selamanya cinta berakhir ‘happily ever after’ seperti yg terjadi di dongeng.

“because our love is strong…” cinta adalah jawaban dari semua problem2 yg bakalan dihadapi sekarang maupun nanti. ntah mengapa didit yg klise ini sedikit banyak percaya bahwa bila kita saling mencintai atau mengasihi, walaupun di dalam badai sekalipun, kita tidak akan bisa dipisahkan!! (duh.. kesamber apa sih didit?!?! @.@)

ada satu hal yang gw merasa perlu di klarifikasi di lagu ini. “And every star up in the sky was made for me and you”  agak2 bingung gw.. tapi mencoba ngeliat ini dari sisi Tuhan menciptakan bintang supaya manusia bisa melihat n bisa mengagumi ciptaan Tuhan…. (kalo kata ka budi, bagian ini agak2 overanalysed, alias ga penting)

Anyway here is the mtv beserta text. Mari bernyanyi bersama lagi =) 

I guess the time was right for us to say
We’d take our time and live our lives together day by day
We’ll make a wish and send it on a prayer
We know our dreams can all come true with love that we can share

With you I never wonder – will you be there for me
With you I never wonder – you’re the right one for me

Chorus:
I finally found the love of a lifetime
A love to last my whole life through
I finally found the love of a lifetime
Forever in my heart, I finally found the love of a lifetime

With every kiss our love is like brand-new
And every star up in the sky was made for me and you
Still we both know that the road is long
(But) we know that we will be together because our love is strong

 • Forgiveness acknowledges the hurt
 • Forgiveness releases the offense and the offender
 • Forgiveness relinquishes resentment
 • Forgiveness is an act of grace

a present in the morning, buat diriku yg kepala batu n tidak mau kalah.

Mulai kali ini, mau berusaha nulis pakai bahasa ibunda ah.. =p Entah mengapa, demen banget deh dengerin lagu2 lama, tanpa alasan yang jelas. dan ntah mengapa jg, kayanya gw lebih “jago” dalam hal mengenali lagu2 lama daripada lagu baru. selain itu, lebih bisa appreciate lg2 tersebut jg. salah satu contoh lagu fave gw adalah lagu di bawah ini, lagu tahun 60an , atau 70an yah? =) gak inget jg sih kapan pertama kali denger ini lagu, tapi sudah jadi favorit sejak smp. demen menggitar lagu ini jg. mungkin ini lagu lagi mencerminkan perasaan hati jg, bagaimana masih ada pengharapan & keceriaan di tengah2 hujan yg deras (lagian, bego sih, ga bawa payung.. makanya kena kepala de). ayo menyanyi bersama…. =) *gj ah reviewnya*

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin’ seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun
And I said I didn’t like the way he got things done
Sleepin’ on the job
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Cryin’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothin’s worryin’ me

[trumpet]

It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Cryin’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothin’s worryin’ me

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD.”

“Janganlah hendaknya kamu kuatir tentang apapun juga, tetapi nyatakanlah dalam segala hal keinginanmu kepada Allah dalam doa dan permohonan dengan ucapan syukur.”

Peaceful, 

~

the irony of having too many things to do and being unable to do them….

isn’t it depressing?

Happiness is to know the Savior,
Living a life within His favor,
Having a change in my behavior,
Happiness is the Lord.Happiness is a new creation,
Jesus and me in close relation,
Having a part in His salvation,
Happiness is the Lord.  

Real joy is mine, no matter if teardrops start;
I’ve found the secret, it’s Jesus in my heart!

Happiness is to be forgiven,
Living a life that’s worth the living,
Taking a trip that leads to Heaven,
Happiness is the Lord.

~ I have been jugling with work & school. i finished one project in school (a psychology paper about maternal care during infancy — i love this project), one presentation (and i realised it’s the only presentation i had in this semester! oh, wow!), and so far –would you believe this– i have done readings for the modules! (book only, sometimes i miss the extra readings). therefore, i’m quite confident for the mid terms.. haha.. let’s see..

~ Just last thursday, erm.. how to say it in nicer terms.. – oh. my help would not be needed for next week onwards in my wokrplace, so i do not have to report to work, until further notice. =p which is kind of good news since next tues, i could celebrate my birthday all day long. it’s kinda sad too, though. i mean, i’m starting to get comfortable at workplace, and it’s over (until further notice). and, i need to find another perm part time job…

~ and last thursday too, i found this advertisement on a vacancy of kindergarten teacher, a part time position, plus, it’s probably a kindergarten that do not required the applicants to be a CPT/DPT holders. They even offer the successful applicants to further the study. i sent my CV in, of course with conscious mind that i’d probably get rejected coz i lack of experience, let alone my status as a student. ho. however, i was kind of interviewed by them, by email. then, i realise that i did a very stupid thing of calling the senior pastor in the church by name (it was a christian kindergarten btw). >.< i shall wait for their response.. 

~ i was left alone, again, by my ex bf a.k.a my husband. Q went to europe for about 14 days? (erm, now i cant remember hehe) he went to amsterdam, london, paris –those places that people usually go for honeymoon– without me. huhu. AnD.. few days after his return, he went for a 3 day camp with the young adult fellowship comittee. boo-hoo. 

~ i spent yesterday going to school, printing notes in school which took ages, going to church for a discussion for language in sunday school (english or indonesian??) and watching malay, japanese and spanish crayon shinchan video at veoh.com. of course i wrapped the day by sleeping so tightly that i woke up at 12 the next day (i did not set alarm). 

~ i had a weird lunch consisting of orange milk (anlene + orange syrup — it’s nice!) and few cookies from holland. while eating, i watched those malay, japanese and spanish crayon shinchan video again. then, i tried to start the assignment for visual design for marketing (vdm), and i did nothing in the end. then, i read readings for my sociology class, which also did not succeed in taking my full attention since i was terribly bored with it. in the end, i tried to wrap up the article i have written for the women’s magazine in the church. i translated it into indonesian, a few sentences, and i realise.. it’s too funny and laugheable. in the end i realise that i could not write in proper, formal bahasa indonesia anymore @.@ — i shall practice to do it!

~ i cooked really another weird menu for dinner, too weird that i think it’s tomorrow morning already. i had scrambled egg, “baked” tuna and baked beans with orange juice. wow.

~ i think i should read econs now, or else, i would not have time reading it at all.

i had something against that particular couple..

*trying to ignore this stupid thought*

~and well, somehow my blog becomes like a … trash bin? . and maybe i should lock it for more freedom (to contemplate more evil thoughts?) err……. ; p

d’s choice : “i should STOP thinking about those negative thoughts”

cheers,

.